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Just How Bad is the Economy? |
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The economy is so bad, I
got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
The economy is so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind
the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
The economy is so bad, CEOs are now playing miniature golf.
The economy is so bad, if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient
Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
The economy is so bad, Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher
than GM.
The economy is so bad, McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
The economy is so bad, parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and
learned their children's names.
The economy is so bad, a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into
Mexico.
The economy is so bad, Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
The economy is so bad, Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
The economy is so bad, the Mafia is laying off judges.
The economy is so bad, Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen..
And finally...
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh
great!! The guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the
people who made $1.5 trillion disappear! |
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Left wing (Socialist) dingbat ...
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Let me get this straight. Obama's health care plan will be written
by a committee whose Chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed
by a Congress which hasn't read it, signed by a President who
smokes, funded by a Treasury Chief who did not pay his
taxes, overseen by a Surgeon General who is obese, and financed by a
country that is nearly broke. What could possibly go wrong?
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First Norwegian Icebreaker
heads up the Mississippi River
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Lesson
1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps
herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a
word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her
$800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes
back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she
replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800
he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk
with your shareholders, in time you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an
accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her
leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest
removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm
129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her
way.
On his arrival at the church,
the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and
seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it
and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you
just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I
want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care
in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii
, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's
gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager...The manager
says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch..'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say..
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small
rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you
and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So,
the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All
of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very,
very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to
get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't
got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually
gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the
tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey
was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He
was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the
tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you
there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold
the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung
on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung,
he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually
thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird
singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the
pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him...
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth
shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
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This says it all ... |
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Obama is wrecking this Country ...
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